My schedule vs. Your Schedule

Well today is monday. Which is the scheme of things means I start at the New Fairways tonight. In general this is not a bad thing. What is a bad thing is that Marcos still thinks its ok to see me after work. Monday also means he starts work today again too. And works til 10pm as well BUT doesn't start until 1. But he still thinks that I will be concious after 10pm tonight EVEN though I started at 7am... and will have start again tomorrow at 7am. I can see this relationship becoming physically draining very fast.

I love spending time with him and I love seeing him and I love talking to him.. but I have done all the above every day since he got back.. and to be honest.. I was hoping this was just a phase. Like after he returned to work we would have date nights and see each other a couple times a week? It doesn't look like it. So he's coming over tonight after work.. and then probably Tuesday after work (cause he doesn't work wednesday mornings... and then probably wednesday after he's done cause he works til 10 and me only til 3:30... it is going to be exhausting. I do need my sleep you know.

Oh well. I suppose we will see how this works?

The best reaction to no.

I definately had a great night.

Everyone from work went out for a few drinks.. or 8 tequila sunrises.. and some laughs. Turns out most of the people that I work with are either gay or bi. Who knew? Not me. Very strange events thats for sure.

The best part was aftewards tho. Marcos showed up about 11pm at my house and climbed into bed with me and we talked and kissed and cuddled and I really had no reservations about saying anything to him. Like.. after he left on Thursday night i went to bed.. but woke up at like 2 unbelievable turned on. I didn't know what to do with myself. lol. I told him that and he said the same thing happened to him.. cept it happened before he left my apartment. lol. The most important part of the night however, was when I said "I have been thinking about having sex with you all day and I've come up with a decision. I've decided that we should just yet". And he said he agreed and that he's glad that I made the decision and could say it out loud. We then proceeded to snuggle all night. AND SLEEP! I slept! And he slept! The only other boys house I've ever slept at when staying over was jason. ha.

So anyways. He stayed over and we then snuggled all morning on the couch and now I am exhausted and need to do grocery shopping and laundry and am NOT going out tonight. I'm playing golf with mike tomorrow morning and then seeing marcos tomorrow night.

I am turned into that girl. That girl who sees her boyfriend every day. Who knew that was me?

Public Announcement: I'm embarrassed that I judged people in relationships and how they weren't their own people anymore because of their boyfriends. I may in fact be a hypocrite.. except I am still my own person.

Scary Happy - When your so happy you're scared.

Oh lovelies.

Yesterday was Tuesday. The Tuesday. The marking of a new chapter. Of a new start. Of a new "day". What a funny thing. On a Tuesday.

In anycase. Yesterday was my last day as a Fairways Sidney Cashier. And Marcos came home. He called me literally 20 minutes after he got home. So I said I would call him when I got home cause he wanted to do something after I was done work (can you imagine.. me up past 10pm? on a work night?) So I did. He came over and it was just like we had been together for ever. He kissed me when I opened the door and he just wanted to have a hand on me at all times.. in the kitchen in the hallway on the couch. It was adorable. And he brought me stuff from the phillipines! Some candy and coconut things and rum and a naked man. Yes thats right. I naked man. lol. I shall take picture and post it. Its hilarious. He said he bought me a necklace and then lost it so thats what I got instead. lol. It was just fantastic.

On a bummer note.. he does work at my new fairways. Funny enough... Elenor didn't schedule me for the days he works. lol. Which is better because I definately don't want to be that girl. I made a huge point about it last night that I had no idea he worked there and that he was not the reason I was going there... oh well.. it still looks like that to everyone else I'm sure. crapola.

In any case.. he's on his way over right now.. and we're going to get some eats.. I really like him. Scary happy like him.. and I think he feels the same. Not think. Know. I hope this isn't too good to be true. Please slap me when i start making up reason why I shouldn't date him. THere aren't any.

xxoo

"Just chillllll Winstonnnn"

I woke up this morning and realized I'm pretty good. I mean.. I didn't wake up feeling dressed out... or antsy.... and worried... or impatient. I mean... I'm good. So today was a pretty chill day. Cleaning and sewing mostly. Later I'm going to do some laundry and some reading and some grocery shopping.. but all of that is also pretty chill.

A story.

Last night we went to Melissa's house for a BBQ for Guathio's son who just returned from Afghanastan. I'd never met him.. but I love guathio so I was there for the celebration (and the food cause i love her cooking). I met Marvin. Guathio's son. Here's the thing. He is clearly malasyan.... which is fine.... but he speaks english... but in an awkward non accent way. In anyways.. thats not the point. The point is.. I think he was flirting with me. And I may have flirted with him. And they I felt guilty.

Its just no fail when you've decided not to fuck things up (and by fuck things up i mean every time i decide i like some one some one "better" comes along and i then they aren't really better and then i try and get back with the original guy he isn't interested) there always comes guys that are just ready and willing. No fail. And me being me.. can't resist the attention... but I think i've been fairly good lately.. i mean.. i've consciously thought "no.. he'll last 10 minutes" or "no.. he's cute but" yeah.

anyways. i'm chill now. what will be will be. in my lovely apartment.

xxoo

Turns out I may just be the most unfounded paranoid person in the world.

After posting yesterday melissa and i spent the afternoon walking around downtown and eating and drinking and talking. It was really funny. She also decided that I may actaully be very paranoid about marcos. I was not convinced. Either way.. I was just trying to lower my expectations of him calling me when he got back so I wasn't so heartbroken.

Well for some reason this morning, as soon as I got up I went to the computer and checked my facebook messeges. One from Marcos. I'm not going to go into details or anything but I'm pretty sure its the greatest note I've ever received. He is definately a keeper. And there is no doubt in my mind that he will be calling me when he gets back.

I haven't smiled his hard for this long in a very long time.

xxoo

How to jab someone in the leg with a spear without actually doing it.

Oh hi.

There are two different ways to jab someone in the leg with a spear without actually doing it. And I have experience both.. in the same day.

1. Early yesterday morning as I was the doing the first of many Facebook adventures I discovered that my sister, the lovely person she is, decided to add marcos to her facebook. This apon first glance does not seem like such a terrible thing EXCEPT that I told her specifically that I didn't want to jynx this and that I wanted it to work out. But now.. now I just look crazy because my sister has added him to facebook EVEN THOUGH I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know I have a sister. Yeah. Thats how I was stabbed in the leg with a spear without her even knowing it.

2. Last night I went for dinner at the crazies with the other aunt and uncle and apparently the crazies best friends Dale & Gary AND the G-Ma Crazie. I could only stand three of the 8 people in the room and I was one of them. I have never disliked anyone with such ferocity as I hate Dale. This woman is the be all to end all. Just FULL to the brime of self importance. So.. as per my style.. I try and chop a bit at the chip on her shoulder every time I see her. Yesterday I got her square the leg with my spear. She was explaining how I missed an amazing Chinese food meal the other day when I said that after working at Fairways I couldn't possibly eat Chinese food because the place stinks of it. She then stated in a loud matter of fact voice that she's shopped there for many years and never smelt chinese food in there. I then starred her directly in the eye and said "Oh. Have you been in the Staff Room or the Back Room?". She shut right up. Then she tried to redem herself by saying that she always asks Guathio about how to cook her chinese vegetables like they were close friends. So I said "Oh yeah.. Guathio is a magnificent chef.. every time I go over there she makes amazing meals". She didn't speak of fairways or guathio after that. That is how you stab someonein the leg without her knowing you meant to.

Other then that.. only 7 more days til Marcos comes back.. and right at this very moment I'm feeling dreadful about it. This could just be me being paranoid (as per usual) but he had the time to add lindsay as a friend on facebook.. but didn't write me a messege?

Perhaps I just wanted it to work too badly.

Serves me right for getting my hopes up. Guess we'll find out when he calls me.. or doesn't when he gets back.

xxoo

Milestones only I would notice.

Hi Loves.

I was just thinking last night about somethings that I've accomplised over the last 11 months.. that maybe other people would find quite simple but myself in the past have found difficult.

a) Dating a boy without having had sexual contact with him before hand AND then being the one to break up with him because you weren't that interested in him.

(since when have i ever met a boy i didn't make out with first before trying to date him? and on that note.. I am never the one to break up with anyone.)

b) Learning to live with myself without depression.. backwards thinking... or yearning for things in the past.

(in the past i've always been the one to get depressed when "alone" as i often look back on past relationship and think "for why did I fuck that up?)

c) Can go to the grocery store and actually run into people I know!

(if you know this much about me.. i rather hate talking to people in the grocery store that i sorta kinda know.. but I'm making an effort!)

d) Getting over people who treat me badly.

(for example.. i dumped tia like a back of rocks. i dumped karley like it was going out of fashion. i dumped JJ & Chris real fast. I've learned to get over stacey's impossibley flakey nature. I've just gotten over them)

e) Im starting to learn how to look at situations from different angles. I used to be the first one to get angry but now I try and see all angles of situations (then get angry. lol)

Thats about all for know.

Putting my curtains together today then heading to family supper in sindey to with the crazies and my new fav. aunt and uncle.

xxoo